Do you ever fight repeatedly about something fairly stupid but you both seem to care A LOT about? This one is a bit embarrassing, but it’s real and current.And I hope it inspires others to find a way to have an argument turn into intimacy and compromise become SYNERGY.We’ve used our PEACE PRACTICE of BOTH IS BETTER THAN ONE to go from a repeat aggravation between us to an up-leveling of intimacy.
Intimacy or Irritation? If you want a successful relationship, it takes INTENTION, ATTENTION and ACTION. Awesome intimacy doesn’t happen by default. The default in a relationship for most couples is to let layers of let downs build up until there’s a Relationship Residue so thick, intimacy turns to irritation and eventually irreconcilable differences.
Use It or Lose It!If you don’t USE quality communication skills, you’ll likely get USED UP by an ugly argument at some point or another. Or maybe even over and over again. Augh! Who needs it?!So let’s look at the two most meaningful rules to follow to create connection and avoid conflict through conscious communication.
All Too Quickly The Claws Came OutWe had just arrived at one of our favorite restaurants, in one of our favorite cities (Wild Ginger in downtown Seattle), and for seemingly NO reason and certainly no GOOD reason, we started to get short with each other.Then snippy.
Super satisfying sexy-time is WAY too good to give up on.AND it’s good for you in soooooo many ways. Not just for the relationship either. For your own sense of self, self-expression, connection to your primal animal, physical stress release, better sleep, mortality, creativity, and on and on…
Things Can Get Nasty. You’re in the thick of it. You’ve felt the tension building. Now suddenly it’s a free-for-all.Triggers, reactions and emotions are flying high.Maybe you even sink to resorting to the no-holds-barred manner of relating.
Move On or Move FORWARD? That was NO fun at all! Arguing rarely is, right? It might have even gotten a little ugly there for a moment too. Yet you made it to the other side.Or did you?Now that the fight is “over,” if you’re like most people, you’re just glad it’s over, grateful you managed to get through it. Now you just want to put it behind you, forget about it and MOVE ON.
A Big, Ugly Fight – Over Nothing!A few years ago, Raj & I got into a big, ugly fight. Over NOTHING! He had been having a heavy load of technology hurdles (our 2nd greatest contributor to an argument emerging, right after #1, which is getting hangry), and was feeling quite stressed, frustrated and distracted. I was about to leave town for four days for a retreat with a nonprofit board I was on.
The Noose of Negativity. Negativity is the 2nd WORST thing that you can do to harm your relationship (More on #1 here). Indulge in negativity and you are putting a noose around your relationship’s neck!It’s not the big things that bring a relationship down, rather, it’s the day-to-day dynamic between you and your beloved that will determine the success of your relationship.
The Squeaky Wheel. The squeaky wheel gets the grease, right?That’s why we tend to NOT give our relationship much attention until it DEMANDS it from us.How squeaky does YOUR relationship wheel have to get before you to DO SOMETHING?
A P3 RELATIONSHIP IS POSSIBLE
Relationships – they’re not all fun and games – but they sure do help!