How to Keep the Fights Clean & the Sex Dirty

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Ep. 4.5: Ditch the Dispute and Dive Into Delight

“It’s getting heated in here” Is VERY different from, “It’s getting hot in here!” Heated argument, yuck. Hot sexy-time, yum! One makes you want to take your clothes off, the other makes you want to pull your hair out – VERY different, right?

In a heated, ugly argument, the stakes are high, the dynamic is volatile and the outcome is often costly, if not devastating. Don’t let your conscious, compassionate, big-picture brain get hijacked by your reactive, defensive, fight-or-flight “lower brain.”

Consider the costs of a heated argument – the kind that creeps up quickly, gets big and ugly fast and afterwards leaves you wondering, “What the hell just happened?!” Now consider the benefits of learning even a a few new tips, tools and techniques for how to put an end to an argument right in the middle of it.

Join special guests Candice Holdorf & Adam Gordon as we discuss How to Keep the Fights Clean – DURING, “Ditch the Dispute and Dive Into Delight.”

Special Guest Bio: Adam coaches people who want to strengthen and deepen their relationships by helping them communicate with their friends, colleagues and partners in a way that changes conflict into greater connection. He is a graduate of the Transformational Coaching and Leadership Training, certified as a facilitator by The Circling Institute where he has been a course leader for three years, and is the founder and ceo of Oxygen Massage Therapy–a seven figure clinical massage practice in San Francisco with three locations and 25 employees. For more information on Adam, please visit: adamgordoncoaching.com.

Candice is the founder of “The Orgasmic Life,” she is dedicated to helping people delve into the taboo places in their lives so that they can find joy and freedom. She’s boldly honest, yet compassionate and open-minded. She’s a certified coach, One Taste OM trainer and yoga teacher. She is also a performer and writer with a focus on sexuality, marriage, eating disorders, and entering womanhood through the lens of orgasmic living. For more information on Candice, please visit: theorgasmiclife.com.

13 replies
  1. Gaby Sundra
    Gaby Sundra says:

    Raj & I are constantly looking into how can we lower the threshold of what is acceptable before we take action? Bringing things up early on to catch things before they turn into something big is key.

    Reply
  2. Gaby Sundra
    Gaby Sundra says:

    Your ACTION OPTION should you choose to accept it, is to…

    STEP 1: Sit down preferably with your beloved when you are in a happy and healthy state of mind and out 2-3 sentences on how you both agree that you want to be with each other. What are the behavioral “touchstones” that you want to return to when you are upset and beginning to “lose it” a bit?

    STEP 2: Second, put what you wrote in a place you can easily find it. It might be on a post-it in the bathroom, a piece of paper in your wallet, or even an image on your phone, possibly even on your main screen so you see it every day.

    STEP 3: The next time you experience any friction with your partner, when you have even a glimpse of wanting to climb out of the upset & into intimacy again, then lighten up, pretend to blow a whistle, “throw a flag on the play” and call “Stop. Shift. Start” Be a playful invitation they will want to say YES to.

    STEP 4: Pull on what it was you wrote that you wanted to do and read i tout loud to each other. Each of you declare and then tae one immediate action that steps into that vision you created when you were your more sane selves.

    For more information please check out our blog article about this here: http://relationshipfunandgames.com/how-to-tame-triggers-and-unhook-in-the-heat-of-it-tame-triggers/

    Reply
  3. Gaby Sundra
    Gaby Sundra says:

    “I generally enter fights with the point of view that I am wrong! If I am that worked up about something, chances are that it is not true, though this doesn’t mean that I don’t try to fight it!” – Adam Gordon

    Reply
  4. Gaby Sundra
    Gaby Sundra says:

    The two things that are most important in a relationship are:

    1). Commitment.

    2). Caring.

    You need to define what is winning in your relationship, is it your way? Is it their way? Or is it a combination of the both!

    Reply

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