How to Keep the Fights Clean & the Sex Dirty

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How To Pull Your Argument Escape Hatch

Logic Will Get You NOWHERE When you’re in an argument with your beloved and in the heat of it, LOGIC, REASON & PROBLEM SOLVING won’t do you very much good AT ALL. They can even be like gasoline to a fire – EXPLOSIVE! In a split second, it can be off-to-the-races and pretty quickly DEVOLVE into ugly rants that go […]

Set & Setting Are EVERYTHING

Set & Setting Are EVERYTHING! I’m not into psychedelics, but I sure am into super satisfying sex! Still, you can learn a lot about how to have super-satisfying-sex by taking a lesson out of the psychedelic handbook. “Set and setting” is EVERYTHING. Dr. Norman E. Zinberg developed this theory as applied to psychedelic experiences, but it’s a great eye opener when applied to […]

How to Avoid Argument On-Ramps

I Was JUST About To Do It! Do you CRINGE when your beloved asks you to do something that you were JUST about to do? For some reason it can be INFURIATING! So what do you do? You could SNAP at them and say “I was JUST about to do it! Get off my back! You’re so controlling!” You COULD. Although it WON’T […]

Initiate Inertia – Tend To Your Garden Or Weeds WILL Grow

Tend to Your Garden, Or Weeds WILL Grow Seduction starts WAY earlier than most think. In fact, it’s happening ALL the time. Adam Gilad and his wife Sandy call it 24 hour foreplay (hear all about it in Fights Clean, Sex Dirty TV Season 1, Episode #8). The way you relate to your partner ALL-DAY-LONG creates your relationship environment. That environment will determine […]

Identify & Eliminate “Friction Factors”

Things Can Get Nasty You’re in the thick of it. You’ve felt the tension building. Now suddenly it’s a free-for-all. Triggers, reactions and emotions are flying high. Maybe you even sink to resorting to the no-holds-barred manner of relating. And it’s off the races to who is right, who’s wrong, who’s the victim or who’s the oppressor. Things can get nasty, even ugly and […]

Romp Recap To The Rescue

Even-Better–IF-ing Think of all the places in life we look at what went well, what we loved and what could have worked better. We’re nearly constantly assessing how things went and making adjustments for an even better future. There is even a term for it – EBI’s – Even Better Ifs. So why not bring some of that wisdom to your sex […]

How to Turn Breakdowns Into Breakthroughs

The Storm Has Passed OK the storm has passed. The fight is over. NOW what? You may want to forget about the fight that just happened, however, as they say, those who do not learn from history are DOOMED TO REPEAT THEMSELVES. A teacher once told me “Experience can be expensive. Just make sure you get what you paid for.” Meaning […]

The Power of a Proactive Perspective

The PRO-ACTIVE Perspective Being proactive and moving TOWARDS what you DO want is a top priority in all the relationship “work” we do. It takes focus, education, intention and attention to be PRO-ACTIVE and move TOWARDS, because as humans, we are designed AND conditioned to react to what’s coming at you and either move away or lash out. Our very survival has […]

Tame Triggers & Unhook, Even In the Heat Of It

All Too Quickly The Claws Came Out We had just arrived at one of our favorite restaurants, in one of our favorite cities (Wild Ginger in downtown Seattle), and for seemingly NO reason and certainly no GOOD reason, we started to get short with each other. Then snippy. And all too quickly the claws came out. I was thinking (in a […]

Introducing FCSD TV

It WASN’T AWESOME Raj and I really STRUGGLED in the first few years of our relationship. It was not playful, peaceful or passionate. It was PAINFUL. There was a lot of conflict, drama, tears and even more than a few holes punched in the wall. It was so rough that AT OUR ENGAGEMENT PARTY, a dear friend pulled us aside and […]