Our Story (A.K.A. Our Dirty Little Secret)

We want to let you in on our dirty little secret. Well, maybe we don’t WANT to, as it is embarrassing, still we will because we care and want couples to enjoy each other, day-to-day, for years to come.

Sure, Raj and I are now happier, having more play, peace and passion in our relationship than EVER, still, we had some pretty dark, tough, LONG days early on in our relationship. It most certainly was NOT always so playful, peaceful or passionate. In many ways it was downright PAINFUL.

We both shared a strong sense that something felt VERY RIGHT to be together, yet we were so different, we argued A LOT and our fights got embarrassing or ugly WAY too easily, and WAY too often.

As hard as it is to admit, our relationship was SO shaky, that at our engagement party, one of our closest friends sat us down and said…

“REALLY? Are you sure you want to do this? It looks pretty messy from here.”

There it was, OUR ENGAGEMENT PARTY…

It was supposed to be one of the happiest days of our lives, full of celebration and well wishes and yet there Raj and I were, getting cautioned by our friend to RECONSIDER!

Why would he say that? Well, I’d say Raj and my relationship was volatile, but the upsets were WAY too predictable for that to be true. Raj and I were at the end of our rope. We were so close to throwing in the towel and completely calling it quits.

If you can relate to having repetitive or embarrassing arguments or your fun plans or restful days have become regularly ruined, then maybe Raj and my story can help you not feel so alone or hopeless in this. We get it. You are NOT alone.

Our Wake Up Call

Our friend questioning our engagement was a huge WAKE UP call for us.

Raj and I decided to use all that pain and frustration we were going through to learn about navigating conflict and what made relationships soar rather than sink.

We did tons of research, did a ridiculous amount of reading, went to what seemed like one too many workshops, and had plenty of our own “learning opportunities” – until we figured it out!

We discovered we had been doing everything SO WRONG. We had been dissecting our problems and complaints trying to “figure it out” and “fix it”. And it WASN’T working.

Yet were determined to have an awesome marriage. Divorce or a dull default marriage sounded horrible, painful, like a slow death. We committed to taking action to get clear about exactly what we wanted (as opposed to focusing on our complaints and all that we did NOT want) and what it would take to get there.

We’ve come a LONG way since that humbling engagement party, and now friends and strangers want to know what the Secret Sauce is to our marriage. In fact, the whole reason Raj and I are even working in the relationship education world is because for years, people kept asking us to do it.

PLAYFUL
PEACEFUL
PASSIONATE
P3

Our Commitment

From the drudgery and despair to the play and passion, we offer you our story along with the many tips, tricks and games we used along the way as the hope, encouragement and support that you can put an END to all the tension, the bickering and the separateness so you can START having a “playful, peaceful and passionate relationship – a P3 Relationship.”

Raj and I are committed to spreading this message far and wide – if you are struggling to have a sense of play, peace or passion in your relationship, it’s not your fault (relationships can be seriously challenging!). Yet resolving conflict doesn’t have to be so serious or significant. A little lightness and laughter goes a long way!

Gabrielle (aka Gaby) Sundra
About Gaby

My husband, as my best friend, lover, housemate, business partner (we run not one, but two companies together) and playmate in global community contribution, is my closest and most important relationship.

So I’ve invested a lot of my life in learning just what makes an awesome relationship and what will doom you to a dull or default relationship. Because let’s be honest, when you relationship sucks, no matter what else is going great, then your life sucks. And when everything in your life seems to be falling apart, if your relationship is rock solid, then everything seems more manageable.

With all the stressors of life and love, and knowing that stress is a killer, I’ve made it my mission to make sure that we have the best relationship possible and that we share what we have learned with others too!

  • Optimism – My dad says I am always “looking for the pony in the horse poop”. I accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative in every way I can.
  • Fun – It took me along time to admit that fun was one of my highest values. But once I did, my life just worked and of course, was a lot more fun. Exercise (which I hated) became fun, learning became fun, I even found a way to make resolving conflict fun.
  • Growth – If I am not embarrassed by who I was six months ago, I am not growing enough. I love learning and putting obstacles in the past. I fail fast and grow with gratitude.
  • Contribution – A life worth living is a life worth sharing. We all have so much wisdom and joy to offer each other. And the magic of people coming together to create something larger than themselves is deeply inspiring to me. I have been an organizer of organizations, a fan of creating circles of friends, and eager to unleash awesome events and ideas into the world. One of my favorite secret powers is being a “connector”.
  • Masters degree in Education, Counseling & Guidance.
  • Life long engaged and eager learner – Oh the workshops I have been to, books I have read, webinars I have participated in!
  • Community Organizer – started the local chapter of the Grow Food Party Crew; Facilitator, Train the Trainer and Regional Coordinator for The Pachamama Alliance and the Awakening the Dreamer, Changing the Dream Symposium; and lead organizer of our Burning Man camp for a decade.
  • Counseled hundreds of people and couples on how to get clear on what they want (rather than complaining about what they don’t want), on how to build habits around following through on what they said they wanted, and on turning impossible dreams into awesome realities. One of Raj and my favorite expressions we like to say is “Pigs CAN fly!”
Raj Sundra
About Raj

I see this equation – LOVING MY LIFE = LOVING MY RELATIONSHIP.

In some sense, my drive for having awesome relationships in my life – especially my marriage – is selfish. I do the work on my relationships so that I can love my life. Interestingly enough, my relationship with Gaby more and more helps me get out of a ME/MINE mindset and into a mindset of what supporting people in having great relationships can do for others out there in the world (she is much less selfish than I am in this regard!).

She has helped me see that there is no greater gift to others than providing them access to having a fantastically great… a playful, peaceful, passionate, P3 Relationship. The more people that are loving their life – the happier we all are – which ultimately leads to an awesome happy human presence on the planet.

  • Happiness – Happiness has been something that I have worked on since the time I was born. You see, I am half Indian, and (if you have noticed in my pictures) I don’t look very Indian! And so the story begins that when I came out, my dad was perplexed and did not embrace that I was his son. Now, my dad was an awesomely loving and charismatic man – and no fault to him, I took on a story that “there is something wrong with me.” More than that I generated a story that there is something wrong in general – like a set of colored lenses to see life through. Over the past 15 years, I have gotten crystal clear that while there are many things not working in the world, I have got it pretty darn great – yet still a nagging view of something is wrong. It is because I so clearly know how great I have it – juxtaposed with this sense of something being wrong, that I know that Happiness is always within our grasp. And most everything I do in life has an overarching filter of “is this making me happy?” I value happiness tremendously – and this is one of the things that drives me to do the work it takes to have a off-the-charts happy marriage with Gaby.
  • Perfection – Along with my “there is something wrong here” story – is inextricably linked value on perfection. For many years, I considered this a problem – as nothing is ever really perfect. But, a continuous striving for perfection – is a huge driver for me in my life. By “perfection” I mean that which looks great, feels great, works great. While more and more I grasp that perfection is in the “what isness” of life – I will always be driven by the question – what would make this even-better-if…
  • Accomplishment – I am an achiever through and through. Whether I am working madly, or on vacation – my soul is nurtured by accomplishment.
  • Visionary – I am always asking myself “What if…” Possibilities of what the future may hold fascinate and excite me. I am a dreamer who sees visions of what could be.
  • Masters degree from Cornell University in Mechanical Engineering and Biomechanics – with a minor in education.
  • Head of Product Development – Speck Products

    From 2002 to 2006, I co-led the founding and rapid growth of Speck Products. Through creativity, intelligence, and hard work, we rapidly grew Speck Products generating $3 million in sales in the first year, to $22 million in sales by the fourth year. Co-led Speck Products to rank #41 on Inc 500’s Fastest Growing Private Company’s List – 2006.

  • Founder and CEO – Transformance Business Consulting

    A high performance Triple Bottom Line business strategy can be difficult to establish, and often results in significant amounts of wasted money and dissatisfied stake and shareholders. Transformance Business Consulting’s Triple Bottom Line System weaves a well-designed triple bottom line strategy of generating results, growing your employees, and giving back to the communities and environments in which you do business – into the fabric of your company. The result is a healthy, motivating work culture that profits your pocket, your people, and your planet.

  • Founder – World Peace Through Sports

    Our mission is to leverage the passion and power of sports to unite businesses, youth and causes in mutually beneficial partnerships that achieve lasting transformation in the world. What we start with at the local community level scales exponentially to the global community level resulting in a sustainable system of support for businesses, youth, and causes – and a sustainable future for our planet.

  • Cross-Country skied at the national level for 8 years of my life. What an amazing adventure with one of the toughest sports on the planet!

  • Played Semi-Pro Soccer in the Bay Area as my final efforts in top-level sports competition. In many ways, I would never have met Gaby if I did not play soccer because I came to California originally to play soccer!

  • Having an amazing marriage with one of the most amazing women on the planet.